Atlanta Falcons: A Season of Irony
By Tac O'Hara
http://theanticritic.com
In the beginning there was Nobis. Then
Bartkowski and then Vick. If the Phoenix is the symbol
of the city of Atlanta, the Yo-Yo is surely the symbol
of the Falcons. For fans of the Falcons, we’ve been up
and down more than Delta stock.
The Falcons of today are not the strutting, hip-hop winners we expected them to be. But then again, they really never have been winners. In franchise history they’ve lost better than 100 games more than they have won. Still, it hasn’t made it any easier to watch this year’s team play at the level of a middling college team. And possibly, for saying that, I need to apologize to middling college football teams. With the zest of a DMV worker and the talent of a Miss USA contestant, this year’s gang was so dismal even their coach gave up.
It didn’t help that they were handed the “Get out of Jail Free” card of the century. What player could be blamed for poor morale after the “Michael Vick Incident.” Which player could focus on football when dog fighting was the topic of the Fall? And maybe that’s what this season should be called: The Fall.
The Falcons have always run in just two gears: “Surprising Winners” or “Fighting for Top Draft Pick.” And that is all the rave today. The talking heads make it sound like we are some kind of winners because we might draw a good college player for being so gosh-darn-awful. But, it’s something, right?
Faster than a pedestrian can be run down in Buckhead the city of Atlanta is a loser sports city again. We’ve been hanging our hope on the Falcons while the Braves try to rebuild. That thread couldn’t bear the weight of Federal charges and insipid injuries. So where do we look now? The Hawks are perpetual losers even in a league where the playoffs are as hard to get into as the first grade. And face it, hockey accounts for nothing.
So fans cry while players face Blank stares. We need a new head coach and I’ll bet every decent one on the planet is screening their calls from the 404 area code. While the rest of the world makes Michael Vick/Hush Puppy-endorsement jokes, Falcons fans need to check into therapy. More than a few coaches and players should join them too.
Thus, here we are. A team of birds killed by a batch of dogs. A group of orphans left at the doorstep of defeat by one who went to lie down with the pigs. It’s all fitting of a country song. Alan Jackson could write it, Travis Tritt could sing it and it would be titled, “All dogs go to heaven while the Falcon go to hell.”